


Egg Hunt

by Animom



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Easter, F/M, Humor, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-14
Updated: 2010-03-14
Packaged: 2017-10-07 23:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animom/pseuds/Animom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Project From Hell is wreaking havoc on a certain relationship. Two helpful rabbits and an accomplice take matters in hand ... er, paw.</p><p>** Warning: discussion of jarping. Written for The Dragon's Lair Easter Egg-citement Challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Egg Hunt

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi and Konami, and is being used in this fanfiction for fan purposes only. No infringement or disrespect is intended by this fanfiction.
> 
> A small spoiler for the very end of the series.

.

A number of things had stopped Joey Wheeler in his tracks over the years. Three of the most memorable had been seeing his best friend's "other half" off to the afterlife, his first glimpse of his sister Serenity in her wedding dress, and the first time that Seto had referred to himself and Joey as "us" in public.

And now, he had to add to that list the sight of his best friend (and brother-in-law of three years) Tristan Taylor in a rabbit costume.

"Tris? What the hell?"

"Jo-jo! Hey!" Tristan took off the rabbit head, pulled off a paw, and then gave Joey a combination fist bump-handshake. "How's QA treating ya?"

"Busy, busy," he replied as he set down a pizza box on the table in Tristan's office. "We can't hire and train new people fast enough. Good thing I have Rosa to take over when my head explodes one of these days." He waved a hand at the costume as he flopped down on Tristan's couch. "So, there something ya wanna tell me? You and my sis turning into furverts? - which, if you are, I don't want to know!"

"Heh, with all the Horny Kaiba stories I've had to listen to over the years, you'd owe me if I had any yiffy stories to tell – but no, this is for that business meeting next week with the Americans. Serenity thought it would be fun if the two of us handed out Easter gift baskets in costume."

"Easter? That's a chocolate one?"

Tristan snorted. "Yeah, go right to the essence of the holiday."

Joey leaned his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "Please don't tell me she's gonna wear fursuits?"

"Nah, she's dressing up as the _other_ kind of bunny."

"And when the meeting's over you'll go home and make like bunnies?" Joey asked with a yawn. "Well, somebody's gotta do it."

"What, after all these years you and your husband finally relinquishing the title of The Newlyweds with the Longest Honeymoon?" Tristan asked with a grin.

"Yeah, we're like every other old married couple now. I cook food he never comes home to eat."

"Seriously?" Tristan sat down. "You guys in trouble?"

Joey shrugged. "I dunno. I've barely seen him since this new project started. He works until at 3 or 4 in the morning. I told him a couple of weeks ago that there's no point in wasting the time to come home to shower and change clothes if he's just gonna go right back in, so he might aas well sleep on the couch in his office."

"That sounds kinda – " Tristan started to say, but Joey cut him off.

"Eh, he knew what I meant, and he agreed with me, so we're living in the corporate penthouse at the moment. Some nights he calls and promises we'll eat late dinner together, but that just means I fall asleep waiting for him. And I know I sleep like a pile of logs, but I don't think he even _tries _to wake me up when he does come upstairs to bed." He sighed. "It sucks that the only non-work time we spend together we're both unconscious."

"What about during the day? Make an appointment."

"Nah, he's so busy, I don't want to waste his time. I went to his office once, thinking I'd hide under his desk and give him a surprise bl– "

Tristan raised an eyebrow.

" – a surprise, and he wound up going off-site to inspect some construction that day. Didn't get back to his office at all." Joey sighed. "I waited for him until midnight. Good thing I had a book with me."

"Ouch," Tristan commiserated. "What about lunch? Or first thing in the morning?"

"He doesn't eat lunch. And as for the mornings… "

"Best part of waking up," Tristan said.

Joey shrugged. "Yeah, used to be. But he – he doesn't like to do things half-assed. It's the Three Hour Tour or nothing. So lately it's been nothing. Plus he looks so totally wiped all the time I figure he needs sleep more than sex."

"Is that even possible?" Tristan asked with a grin. "Seriously, sounds like you guys need to kill the Scheduling Monster. All work and no play."

"Easy for you to say, Doctor Rabbit Freud, howzabout you hop right to fixing it?" Joey said, wearily holding up a couch cushion to defend himself from the pummeling.

.

"These are acceptable." Seto Kaiba stood by the glass window wall of his office and flipped through a pile of storyboards. "Are we going to make the release date?"

The petite red-haired woman in his office referred to the project plan she held. "Well, no, but according to this we're less behind than last week."

"That's good." He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily.

"Kaiba-kun, are you all right?" She put her hand on his arm. "You've lost weight." She didn't add that thinner did not look good on the already lean CEO. "Isn't my brother cooking for you anymore?"

"What? Ah. Yes," he shrugged and walked to his desk. "He does, but I hate eating reheated leftovers alone."

"Wake him up when you get home?" she asked softly. "And have dinner together?"

Seto sat, then took a small box of optical wipes from his desk drawer and began cleaning his glasses. "He needs his rest. Testing has been doing double shifts."

She noticed how much the dark circles under his eyes dulled the famous blue gaze. "You two need a vacation."

"Once this project is complete, I suppose we'll take one." He looked up. "Anything else?"

"Oh! Yes! Everything's set for the meeting with the Americans on Wednesday."

"They're coming in the middle of the week because of some holiday?"

"Yes, Good Friday and Easter Sunday are Christian holy days."

"Which day do the priests bless the rabbits and the chocolate?" His chin was propped on his hand, the glasses on his desk. His eyes were half-closed.

Serenity giggled. "No, rabbits and candy and colored eggs are secular aspects. From pagan equinox festivals."

"Hm." His head gave the slightest snap as he started to doze off. He shook himself, sat up ramrod straight, put his glasses back on, and forced his eyes open.

"Get some rest, Kaiba-kun."

"Soon." He gave a pained smile and opened a project folder as she left. "Ask my secretary to send in more coffee?"

.

_Several days later …_

"Shit!" Joey jumped up and down in the elevator, as if it would make his ride to the top of the Kaiba Corporation building go faster. "Seto is going to _kill_ me." He'd lost track of time until the angry beeping from his phone's calendar app informed him that he was late for the meeting with the Americans.

To his relief, the meeting hadn't started. Seto and Yugi were seated at one end of the conference table, paging through documents and having a quiet discussion. His sister, dressed in Playboy bunny regalia that was at least two sizes too small, was helping the American visitors get coffee, which was a good thing, as the way their eyes were glued to her breasts they'd probably pour the stuff over their hands instead of into their cups. A rabbit-costumed Tristan stood nearby, next to a sideboard that held a row of colorful woven baskets. His body language as he watched his wife made it clear that any nibbling or cottontail-petting of Bunny Foo-Foo would not be tolerated. He noticed Joey and motioned him over. "I can't wait 'til this meeting is over so Seren and I can get outta this place and de-costume."

"As her brother and a loyal Kaiba Corp employee, I didn't hear a word you just said about leaving early, and so I'm not getting any disturbing pictures."

Tristan smiled and handed Joey a basket wrapped in red cellophane and tied with a black bow. "This is yours – make sure to open it and follow the instructions before the meeting."

"Instructions?"

"Sorry man, I'm on basket duty," Tristan said, brushing past Joey with a green and black package for Devlin (he'd dropped the "Duke" and went by just his surname now).

Joey pulled away the noisy red wrapping. Inside, a nest of black plastic grass held an assortment of candy and a small black box tied with red ribbon. There was a tiny tag with a sentence in ornate script: _Take me now._

Interpreting this as an order, he opened the box. It contained two strange objects: a small silver egg studded with tiny blue bumps, and a black ring with four red gems. He wanted to ask Tristan about the odd gifts, but the brunet was supervising the removal of a coffee stirrer that one of the Americans had "accidentally" dropped down Mrs. Taylor's cleavage. With a shrug, Joey put the items in his pocket, got some tea, and then took the empty chair next to Yugi.

Rabbit costumes aside, it was meetings like this – when they were suited up in business attire – that made him philosophical about the passage of time and how Appearances Do Not Tell the Whole Story. To his left, "VP of Marketing" Devlin, despite trading his mascara and dance rehearsal look for perfectly tailored Italian suits, a tasteful emerald stud, and a sleek ponytail, was still an unrepentant player, slinky as a cat and still able to charm his targets into melted butter. To Joey's right, Yugi "VP of Game Development" Mutou, his wildly streaked hair now smoothly combed and conservatively cut, continued to be a genius at gaming as well as still being the nicest person Joey had ever met. Across the table Ryou Bakura, now with close-cropped hair that finally made him look his age, had blended his unfailing politeness and precision with enough of the ferocity of his long-departed dark half to make him an excellent legal counsel.

And Kaiba: although the rippling trench-coats and bondage straps had been exchanged for sports coats and glasses, and his public persona had mellowed from high-handed arrogance to quiet disdain, he was still brilliant, still driven, and as much a male version of that old cliché – the stuffy librarian who turns into a vixen when she lets her hair down – as he ever was.

Lately, though, all Seto had done was let down Joey's hopes. It had been weeks since they'd spent any quality time together and, while Joey understood the importance of the project, he was beginning to think that perhaps Seto had tired of him and was using work demands as an excuse for them to drift apart enough to break up. As if reading his thoughts, Seto glanced at him. In the old days there would have been a sparkle of lust in the blue eyes, a tiny taunting smile, but now there was nothing.

Joey sighed and got his mind back to business.

Once the lights were dimmed and the accounting presentation (projected on the wall-screen at the Americans' end of the table) began, Joey slid his hand in his pocket to explore the mystery gifts. The egg-like object was, he decided, a Christmas ornament, as it had a long loop at one end.

The ring was – well, it was a ring, so he slipped it on his finger. He wondered what it was made of, as it was much heaver than he'd expected for something so thin. He took his hand out of his pocket and put it on the table, the better to surreptitiously examine the ring in the light from the presentation. Four red gems with an odd inner fire, like opals would be if they were milky red instead of milky white. He brushed his finger over them wonderingly. Whatever they were, they were cool.

Seto coughed.

Yugi got up to discuss the project design and development time lines. Joey, who tended to glaze over when anyone showed Balance Sheet or budget slides, thought _Good, something not boring._ He rubbed his hands in anticipation.

Seto coughed again. This time Joey turned to look at him, thinking _I hope he's not getting sick, on top of everything else_.

Seto was staring – almost glaring – at him. Once he saw that he had Joey's attention, he did something odd: he put both hands flat on the table, and then closed them into fists.

On the fourth finger of his left hand was a ring, a silver band with four blue gems.

Joey smiled at him. _Oh, so Seto got a ring too? _It was a nice idea – Blue Eyes and Red Eyes color schemes – but putting it in the box with a Christmas ornament must have been a mistake. Or was the egg an Easter ornament? He'd never heard of Easter trees, but then he didn't know much about the holiday.

Seto, still staring at Joey as Yugi went through slide after slide, took his right hand and ran his fingertip over the ring's blue stones.

Something buzzed in Joey's pocket. He pulled out his phone, but whoever had called had hung up already. He put the phone away, figuring he'd check voice mail after the meeting, and turned his attention back to the presentation. He was looking forward to seeing how his QA and Usability analysis would look in Yugi's PowerPoint format.

He heard the buzzing three more times before Yugi reached the summary slide.

"What is that noise I keep hearing?" one of the Americans asked. "Sounds like it's coming from back by you all."

"Oh, that's my assistant texting me," Devlin said. "It looks like some samples I wanted to show you just arrived from the printer – I'll pop down to my office and pick them up. Give me a hand, Jo-jo?"

"Sure."

"Ten minute break," Seto said.

Joey followed Devlin out of the conference room and down the hall toward the elevators. As they passed the men's room, Devlin grabbed his arm and whispered, "Come in here a sec."

"What?" Joey fervently hoped that Devlin was not moving in early for a pre-breakup kill. The man was like a shark scenting blood in the water.

With a little laugh Devlin stepped to the urinal and unzipped his pants. "Calm down! I'm not hitting on you. I'm going to do you a favor."

"Oh?"

"Yes, oh." He shook and tucked and zipped. "I recognize that bumblebee buzzing," he said slyly. "You have a little Easter present in your pocket, don't you?"

"Yeah some kind of ornament. I didn't know the American had Easter trees."

"Jo-jo, you can drop the act." Devlin's smile showed too-white teeth, "I'm sure Seto has every toy ever made."

"Toy?"

"Oh, come on!" He glanced at Joey as he washed his hands. Taking in Joey's look of complete confusion, Devlin laughed. "Let me see it." When Joey pulled the silver egg from his pocket he smiled. "I knew it. That's a _vibrator_, Jo-jo. Was the remote control in the box?"

"Remote? No!" Joey was equal parts horrified, embarrassed, and turned on. "It's _that_ kind of toy? An, er, a sex toy?"

"I'm sure you'll get the remote later," Devlin said with an evil grin, patting Joey's cheek. "Until then, you should," he leaned forward and whispered in Joey's ear.

Joey's eyes went wide in shock. "_What_?" he asked in a choked voice.

"Oh, you look so wholesome when you blush like that," Devlin said as he turned back to the mirror, smoothing his hair. "If I wasn't afraid that Kaiba would have me eviscerated, I'd pounce on you and eat you up. I love natural blonds." He adjusted his tie. "Coming?"

"In a minute," Joey said. "I gotta – " He gestured at the urinals. "I'll be right down to help you carry that marketing stuff."

Devlin winked. "OK, but it's just a box of product sheets and brochures. I'm sure I can manage on my own."

.

Several minutes later, a still-flustered Joey – having followed Devlin's suggestion regarding the egg – walked gingerly back to the conference room and eased down onto his chair. The break was still going on: two of the Americans were out smoking on the balcony. Seto was getting coffee (black, as usual). Bakura and Serenity were laughing about something at the far end of the room. Yugi was drawing one of his crazy tiny flowcharts for Tristan on the white board. Devlin wasn't back yet.

Just as Joey stood, (thinking that maybe Devlin needed help carrying the marketing stuff after all), Seto returned to the table, set his coffee cup down, made a note on the meeting agenda, and then tapped the center stones on his ring.

Joey gasped and gripped the edge of the table as the egg sent a molten wave rippling out through his groin and up his spine. He glanced over at Seto, who he could tell was suppressing a laugh as he sipped coffee. Without taking his eyes from Joey, Seto set down his cup, then tapped his ring again.

Joey's eyes got wide as the second wave pulsed through him, comprehension dawning. _The ring was the remote. _

And if Kaiba's ring buzzed him, then his ring … He pried his hands off the table and pressed the red stones on his ring.

Seto froze, clenching his teeth and giving a faint grunt.

Joey quickly took his finger off the ring. Well, that answered that.

"Oh, I'm boring you," Serenity said as she, Tristan and Ryou took their seats across from Joey.

"No, no, it's very interesting," Ryou assured her. "Do go on."

"Well," she said, talking across her grinning, rabbit-suited husband, "Eostre was a pre-Christian spring goddess whose symbolic animal was the hare."

"Ah, a fertility goddess – is that why there are eggs as well as rabbits?"

"You know eggs," Tristan said with a smirk, "they get laid every day."

Devlin walked in with an armload of glossy brochures in time to quip, "_Such_ a good idea."

Joey gave Seto a sidelong glance. His eyes weren't empty anymore: they smoldered with the hungry look that Joey hadn't seen in weeks. A nervous, hopeful anticipation made Joey's stomach go flippity-flop.

"The Easter egg – especially if it's dyed red or green – symbolizes the rebirth that happens in the spring."

Devlin chimed in salaciously, "The earth _surging_ with new growth, sap _rising_, buds _swelling_ …"

Ryou coughed delicately. "That all sounds so …"

Joey pressed his ring only a split second after Seto pressed his.

"Erotic? Yes, it does," Devlin said.

"I never quite," a faintly pink Ryou said, "understood the fertility aspect of egg-hunting and jarping."

" _'Jarping'_?" Tristan asked.

"A traditional contest where the pointy end of eggs are banged together until one breaks," Devlin explained, tossing Ryou a smoky glance. "Participants wind up with gooey protein mess all over their hands."

"Odd, we always used boiled eggs for jarping contests, not raw," Ryou said – and then, after a puzzled murmur of "Gooey protein mess?" the pink became decidedly scarlet.

"And as for egg hunts, there's no meaning other than fun," Devlin added with a purr, "Unless you want to read into the fact that if a nest is well-hidden, it takes longer to find the egg tucked into the soft, springy – _grass_."

"OK!" Seto said firmly as the Americans took their seats. "Let's finish this up quickly, so that our guests have as much time as possible to enjoy Domino's tourist attractions."

Devlin walked around the table, handing each person a sample of the marketing materials. "Look these over, e-mail me your feedback." He sat back down. "My report's done." He looked at Ryou. " 'Ku? Legal?"

The lawyer squirmed slightly in his chair. "I have no slides, and have not identified any copyright issues at this time."

"Then I think we're done," Kaiba said, sounding just slightly out of breath. "Any questions?"

.

Ten minutes later Joey and Seto, carrying their gift baskets, were walking quickly down the hall to the private elevator that led to the penthouse.

"I wonder what Tristan and my sister were congratulating Devlin about," Joey wondered aloud.

"Probably whatever project he's been working on that required a dedicated private channel on the KC satellite," Seto said, then added quietly, "I'm going to have a protein mess in my _pants_ if you don't stop doing that."

"Doing what?" Joey replied with a grin, brushing the black ring across his lips again.

The blessing of a private elevator is that it is, well, _private_. The instant the doors closed they dropped the baskets and had their arms around each other. The brief ride was spent kissing and buzzing each other.

As they stumbled out into the penthouse suite Joey asked, "Does this mean we're not breaking up?"

Seto stopped, suddenly serious. "Breaking up? Is that what you want?"

"No, of course not! It's just … you never wake me up when you come to bed. We haven't done anything like _this_," he rubbed his hands along Seto's arms, "for weeks. I figured you were tired of me."

"Idiot." Seto pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed him breathless, causing sensations that had nothing to do with battery-powered devices. "I know you're working overtime too, so I let you sleep, even though it's hard."

"I'll say," Joey smirked as he cupped Seto's ass. "It's hard for me, too."

Seto sighed. "And I've been assuming that you'd wake _me_ up if you really wanted to, as you're usually not shy." He groaned as Joey licked the red stones. "Or patient." He bit Joey's earlobe in retaliation. "Fortunately for me."

"Talking don't get the job done, Moneybags," Joey said, nuzzling Seto's neck.

"Four hours until the next meeting," Seto murmured, tossing his glasses aside. He gave a gasp as Joey's wandering mouth found yet another tender spot too long neglected.

"Plenty of time," Joey said with a smile, "to add jarping to the Three Hour Tour."

.

.

_~ The End ~_

.

.

 

 

 

_first post 14 March 2010; rev 24 July 2015_

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge Item: egg-shaped vibrator  
> Big BIG thanks to **Rroselavy** for being such an excellent beta on such short notice. My Preciousssssss~!  
> Nods to **JennieB** for Tristan's egg quip.
> 
> This story is dedicated to the author known as **Doyle** (aka doyle_sb4 on FFnet, and currently daisiestdaisy here on Ao3), whose gift for combining humor with naughtiness results in some of the most delightful fanfiction I've ever come across.


End file.
